Week 26: Confidence as a Coping Strategy - Why It Matters and How to Build It

Why Confidence is Crucial

 When we think about coping, we often focus on managing stress, overcoming obstacles, and handling difficult situations. Confidence plays a pivotal role because it gives us the courage to face these challenges head-on. It’s that inner voice that says, “I can handle this,” even when everything around us seems to be unraveling.

Let me share a story from a client (with their previous permission of course), though I am sure it is a story that many of you can resonate with. They were a talented project manager and experienced a massive blow to their confidence after a high-stakes project they led didn’t go as planned. Despite their meticulous planning and dedication, unforeseen issues led to the project’s failure. They were devastated and began doubting their abilities, feeling like they weren’t cut out for their role anymore. 

But confidence isn’t about never failing; it’s about having the strength to try, fail, and try again. Over time, they realized that their confidence wasn’t about the success of one project but about their overall ability to lead and adapt. They started focusing on past successes and what they could learn from this setback. Gradually, they rebuilt their confidence, not by ignoring the failure but by embracing it as a part of their growth journey.

The Challenge of Building Confidence

Building and maintaining confidence, especially after setbacks, can be incredibly difficult. Life has a way of throwing curveballs—whether it’s a failed project like my client’s, a personal loss, or the relentless pressure of daily life. These experiences can leave us feeling uncertain, doubtful, and even powerless.

Confidence and Identity

For many of us, confidence is deeply intertwined with our identity. If you belong to a historically oppressed or marginalized group, building and maintaining confidence can be especially challenging. Systemic inequalities and societal biases can create environments where you’re constantly made to feel "less than," not because of your abilities but because of who you are.

For instance, consider a woman of color in a predominantly white, male-dominated workplace. She may face both overt discrimination and more subtle microaggressions that chip away at her confidence. Even if she’s highly qualified and competent, the internalized messages from society—that she’s not as capable, not as deserving—can lead to self-doubt and hesitation.

In these situations, confidence isn’t just about personal resilience; it’s also about resisting and challenging the external forces that try to diminish your worth. It’s about recognizing that these feelings of inadequacy are not a reflection of your true value but rather the product of a society that doesn’t always see or honor your worth.

 Practical Steps to Build and Rebuild Confidence

 Here’s how you can start building or rebuilding your confidence:

 1. Start Small, Build Gradually: Confidence doesn’t have to be built in leaps and bounds. Begin with small, achievable goals that allow you to experience success regularly. Each small win lays a foundation that you can continue to grow. 

•  Action Tip: Break larger tasks into smaller, more manageable parts. Celebrate each small accomplishment as a step toward your larger goal.

2. Challenge Negative Self-Talk: One of the biggest obstacles to confidence is the voice in our head that tells us we’re not good enough. This negative self-talk can be crippling, but it’s important to recognize it for what it is: a thought, not a fact. 

• Action Tip: Create a list of positive affirmations that counter your most common negative thoughts. Repeat these affirmations daily, especially when you notice self-doubt creeping in.

3. Embrace Your Strengths: We all have unique strengths and talents, but sometimes we forget to acknowledge them. Reflect on what you’re good at and how these strengths have helped you in the past.

• Action Tip: Ask a friend or colleague to share what they see as your strengths. Often, others can see positive qualities in us that we might overlook.

4. Step Outside Your Comfort Zone: Confidence grows when we push ourselves beyond our comfort zones. This doesn’t mean taking reckless risks but rather, gradually exposing yourself to new challenges.

• Action Tip: Set a goal to do one thing each week that pushes you outside your comfort zone. Reflect on how it felt and what you learned from the experience.

5. Visualize Success: Visualization is a powerful technique that athletes and high performers often use to build confidence. By imagining yourself successfully completing a task or overcoming a challenge, you can train your brain to believe in your abilities.

• Action Tip: Spend a few minutes each day visualizing yourself succeeding in a specific area where you want to build confidence. Picture the details, the emotions, and the outcome as vividly as possible.

6. Start a Confidence Journal: A practical and impactful way to build your confidence over time is to keep a "Confidence Journal." This exercise can help you recognize your successes, challenge your doubts, and remind yourself of your strengths.

• Daily Wins: Each day, write down three things you did well, no matter how small. These can be anything from making a good decision to finishing a task at work. Focusing on your successes helps you recognize your competence.

• Overcoming Doubts: Reflect on a moment when you doubted yourself but still took action. Write about what you learned from the experience and how it turned out. This exercise will help you see that even when you’re unsure, you are capable of facing challenges.

• Strengths Inventory: Make a list of your strengths—qualities, skills, and abilities that you know you possess. Revisit this list often, especially on days when your confidence is low. This serves as a reminder of what you bring to the table.

  Confidence is Within Your Control

Confidence isn’t just a coping strategy; it’s a form of control in an unpredictable world. While we can’t always control the events that happen to us, we can control how we perceive ourselves and our abilities. This is especially important for those navigating environments where their identities may not be fully respected or valued.

By actively working on building and nurturing your confidence—whether through small daily wins, challenging negative thoughts, or keeping a confidence journal—you empower yourself to cope with whatever life throws your way.

Finally…

Remember, confidence is not about never doubting yourself; it’s about having the courage to keep going, even when you do. And in the face of adversity, especially when that adversity is tied to your identity, confidence becomes not just a personal tool but a powerful act of resistance.